Sir Godfrey Gregg
Step 3 Negotiate
Every need is valid and should not be dismissed. You want to resolve issues in the present or resentment will collect and store in an anger reserve bank. Eventually, the smallest issue ignites it like an emotional time bomb. If your partner is not the talking type, remember to write it down and do not be afraid to put a day and time under the written request for a consultation. Do not take it personally if you do not get your need met immediately. Think about making and keeping a promise between the two of you that you both agree to never say no. Always counter propose, but never say no. Respect the negotiation process.
Being proactive means defining the rules of engagement ahead of time, such as no shouting, using “I need” statements as opposed to “you don’t or you never” statements, no emotional charges, always counter proposing and understanding the origins of the past where the need was birthed. Put these in writing and both of you sign in agreement. This is emotional maturity. One partner will possess a higher maturity and will require taking the lead.
If you both find yourselves at an impasse, the creative solution will most likely be the third option. Remember if any solution does not work for one party, then it is not a solution. Try using this line: “Let me help you understand my issue.” Only resolve one issue at a time. The one who has the issue takes the lead and takes personal responsibility for the problem. Do not assume your partner should be proactive about an issue if it is not his or her unmet need. Now try to leave go of a fixed outcome. Be open and curious about agreed upon solutions. Remember this is your beloved and you need this person to help you fulfill this need. Be proactive and draw up a Conflict Resolution Agreement tonight before an issue
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