Sir Godfrey Gregg
There are three steps to conflict resolution that, when successfully carried out, will lead to better relationships, better communication, deeper intimacy, less resentment, and a more fulfilling relationship. Here’s where the difficulty lies in all relationships…getting to those three steps. Most of the time, when you have conflict or tension with your partner, you tend to live in a reactive state. Living in damage control mode or reacting in anger, disappointment, frustration, or withdrawal becomes the norm. A proactive state is where you need to live in order to achieve harmony and reach emotional maturity.
Ninety percent of arguments arise when one or both partners have unmet needs. This leads to unhappiness, which leads to anger, which eventually leads to a demand that ultimately leads to a stand off or a resentful compromise. The topic you find yourselves quarreling over typically is never the real issue. It is usually the acted out issue. There is an underlying unmet need that is the original source.
The best skill you can learn, if you don’t possess it already, is a deep understanding of yourself, your emotional needs, your physical needs, your sexual needs, and your functional or practical needs. You see, by not being familiar with your own needs, you may react each time those needs are not fulfilled. By having a deep understanding of your needs ahead of time, you can be proactive and exercise the fine art of negotiation with your beloved. Here are the three steps of negotiation:
CONTINUES TOMORROW …..